Me?!?!?... EXERCISING?!?!?!?.... hahahahaha

so the last time i blogged i was just starting the daniel fast... it was a tremendous success... i completed 21 days of vegan living... then... lol... i began eating regularly again... i'm now so far from vegan living it isn't even funny... but it hasn't been all for naught... i'm learning about me continuously... so for the last 2 and a half months i've been devising a plan for myself... i have such great will power... i can do whatever i set my mind to for a defined period of time... i've done a 10 day master cleanse where all i lived on for 10 days was organic lemonade with cayenne pepper in it... i just completed the 21 day daniel fast... i've been 100% raw for 30 days... it's not about IF i can do something, it's about if i can incorporate something and allow it to become a part of my lifestyle by developing a habit instead of white knuckling it and jumping right in... so over the last couple of months i've decided that if all the stars were aligned, if everything in my world were perfect, i'd be going to bed at a reasonable hour, sleeping at least 7 or 8 hours a night, spending time meditating on God and His goodness, studying my Bible, eating healthy meals regularly throughout the day, consuming my superior nutrition twice daily, exercising at least six times a week, growing my business, volunteering regularly and living healthy and free... that's what would happen if all my stars were aligned... lol... well, i somehow seem to be able to do only one or two of those things at the same time... but i've never had it all together... not even for ONE DAY... so i've devised a plan for myself... i'm going to try to create an environment and a plan that will allow me to experience what having all of that feels like... my date for achieving at least ONE DAY of alignment of all the key factors in my life is December 24, 2011... when i thought of this it was a little over 6 months away... so what i've been doing is making small, easy to achieve changes... after the daniel diet, i began to feel like i no longer had any excuse not to exercise... it used to be the back pain and the ankle pain and the knee pain that prevented me from exercising, but with good nutrition, my pain is significantly reduced and it is so much better that i can function without meds and i can walk and i can stand up straight :) ... i'm truly blessed... i began to talk to myself and tell myself that being able to exercise is a privilege and i should be ecstatic to be able to do it pain free... so that's been the self speak for the last couple of months... i also know that success doesn't necessarily require HARD work... what is required is that i take CONSISTENT, DELIBERATE, INTENTIONAL ACTION... so, how am i doing this... well... two and a half months ago i asked myself to simply begin a deliberate, consistent and intentional exercise program... i asked myself to do something that seemed silly, but guaranteed that i would succeed... failure would only come if i chose NOT to take action... i asked myself to do intentional exercise for FIVE MINUTES just 3 times a week... lol... really??... five minutes???... lol... yep... that's all i asked of me... and those first five minutes were the hardest five minutes of exercise that i can remember... i was on the stationary bike pedaling and sweating profusely wondering how long i'd been pedaling when the display flashed to the elapsed time and said "30 seconds"... lol... it was CRAZY... i had to psych myself out just to get all the way through... five minutes is NOTHING... but it was a lot for me in the condition that i was... i did that for a couple of weeks... then worked up to 10 minutes 3 times a week, then 15 minutes 3 times a week and did that for about a month... i'm talking baby steps... the week of july 4th there was a setback because family came to visit and we all went to visit more family and a whole lot of eating went on and i didn't exercise for a week, but july 10th i began my next phase which has been exercising SIX days a week for AT LEAST 15 minutes (which means that some days i exercise for longer periods of time... today was 30 minutes)... my endurance has picked up so much in the last two months that i now find myself having to kick it up a notch in order to start sweating... :) ... i'm doing stationary cycling, treadmill walking, and i have some favorite dvd exercise programs that i'm using that have varying levels of intensity and workouts that are challenging... i'm exercising and actually loving how i'm feeling... i'm also beginning to love the exercise... it is as essential to me as brushing my teeth daily... it's a MUST DO... so now that the exercise layer and "habit" has a solid foundation, my next layer is bedtime... i'm a night owl and so much of my poor eating habits are wrapped up in the fact that i stay up too late... who wouldn't be hungry 6 or 7 hours after dinner time if they were still up?... it's just crazy to say "nothing after dinner" and then stay up and remain active for 7 more hours and expect NOT to be starving... so i figure if i go to bed 3 or 4 hours after my last meal, i should be able to avoid some of the bad late night eating and kill two birds with one stone... lol... anyway, i've written a book today... this is way too long for anyone to want to read, but i guess this is what happens when i don't get on here too often... gonna set my calendar on my blackberry to remind me to post more regularly... one day, perhaps i'll get back to the raw food, which is why i began this blog... but for right now, i think it's more about raw emotions and my quest for health and real freedom...

Hmmmmm... Here We Go Again...

so a lot has happened since i last posted anything here... i was actually looking up a raw food recipe to send a friend and clicked on my bookmarked link only to discover that i'd left a comment nearly two years ago on the site with the recipe... then i clicked on my pic and landed on this blog... lol... hmmmmm.... perhaps this is a good thing... or not... not sure right now, but here i am and i've decided that a post is in order... it's kind of cool to send this out into the universe even though no one is really reading it... but i get to come back and see how far i've come... i get to see my successes... and i get to see my failures... the one thing i know about myself is that i don't give up... every time i fail i learn something important about myself and one day--ONE DAY, i'll be successful in this quest for health... so monday i joined my sister on the Daniel "fast"... she started on sunday and i decided to join her to support her... it's way easier than doing 100% raw and now that i'm taking the best supplemental nutrition IN THE WORLD (in my opinion), my cravings are gone and the week has been a breeze... what am i fasting from?... well, i'm enjoying fruits, vegetables, nuts, seeds, whole grains and tofu products... i've eliminated white flour, white sugar, white rice and all animal products... so i'm pretty much living vegan for 21 days... i'm permitted to cook the food too... so it's actually very easy... went out with a friend to the cheesecake factory yesterday and ordered a very tasty "legal" meal... i had a portabella mushroom burger (no bun, no mayo, no cheese) which came with a grilled slice of onion, slice of tomato and some lettuce... i asked for brown rice, grilled asparagus and some snow peas and vegetables sauteed with ginger in sesame oil... it was awesome... anyway, i'm recovering from my back issues... the nutritional stuff i'm taking allowed my body to begin healing itself... my blood sugar is dropping, blood pressure is now 100% normal, inflammation and pain is almost completely gone... i can walk like a normal person again... i'll make it a point to post again... but for now i have to go... need to go to sleep before i start feeling hungry again... it's way too late to be eating...

This is really hard....

not sure what i'm going through right now, but this sprained back is still not completely healed as yet and it's been nearly three MONTHS now... i don't have to take any pain meds anymore, but i'm still not totally pain free and i'm having trouble walking for more than about a hundred feet at a time... it totally sucks and i think i'm going into some kind of depression or something, but i'm trying to ward off those feelings... i feel like my progress has been sabotaged and i feel like i'm volunteering myself for the slaughter... i keep making bad choices when it comes to food and my relationship with what i ingest is not a good one... this is so hard... i just need prayer for complete healing and restoration so that i can get back to my regular exercise routine... in the words of Smokie Norful, Lord, "not another second, not another minute... I need you NOW"...

Getting older sucks!...

ok... so the day after my last post my left knee became severely inflamed and i ended up laid up in my bed using crutches to get 10 feet to the bathroom... i had to take two days off work and couldn't figure out what went wrong... ultimately i thought the whole multiple meals per day with protein at each meal worked well, although it did make me a little nauseous... and then i did some online surfing to check out why my knee was inflamed and found out that there is some correlation between high protein diets and inflammatory joint disease... great!!... so i was bummed, but felt that i should have "listened" to my body when i got queasy with all the protein... i didn't and ended up with knee issues... my knee is now almost 100% fine, but leaning precariously forward on those crutches threw my back into a severe spasm which is still causing me issues... i've been on pain and anti-inflammatory meds for the last two weeks and having to use riding carts in stores to get around... i've become nearly vegetarian in the last three weeks and it seems to be helping somewhat, but i've been reminded of something that i already know... "if it's not broken, don't fix it"... i was successfully healing and losing weight simply adding a large amount of raw whole foods to my diet without rules or restrictions... i didn't have any colds, sinus infections, inflammatory issues, etc... i tried to make an "adjustment" and add protein to my plan and now i'm nursing a sprained back with a serious spasm... i just want to get back to being pain free and independently mobile... not sure when i'll post next... hopefully i'll be feeling better soon...

Continuing on...

so i've been doing different things this last week... read a book about alternating daily intake to "confuse" the body and also began reading a couple books about carb cycling... so i tried my own modification of it and yesterday i got on the scale and i'm now officially back to my 25 lb. weight loss... i like the concept so far, because it requires me to be unrestricted some of the time... makes it easier to "be good" for a period of time, especially if i know i'm going to HAVE to "be bad" for it to continue to work... i know this sounds confusing... but i'm just experimenting with it right now to see if it works... i'm almost sick of protein though... so not sure how long this will last... but i'm happy that i got rid of my "holiday weight"... anyway, there's a whole lot more "me weight" that i have to try and eliminate so i hope that i'm able to continue on this path... haven't been eating as much raw food as i think i should these last few weeks so i have to make a concerted effort to do that... so just needed to check in today... been a while as usual... i'll be back whenever... lol

Insanity...

ok... so i did the ten days sugar free and then had my three free days -- or rather three binge days... i found myself eating things i just don't eat... like i had a "suzie-Q" (kind of like a chocolate twinkie)... i had several different hamburgers in the three days... about three... i had chinese food... i think i ate enough rice to feed a family of four for a day... i bought keebler mint chocolate grasshopper cookies... crazy... if i hadn't set a limit on the "free" days, i might have landed up in the hospital in a diabetic coma... funny, but not... i don't know what i was thinking... i wasn't even physically craving the sugar... it was like i was trying to get as much sugar as i could get in my system... not sure why... anyway, my binge was over and yesterday morning i checked my weight and BGL before starting another sugar-free cycle... i was 357 lbs with a BGL of 246... whacky... that was NOT the plan... anyway, this is the end of day two and i'm feeling better already... i think i'll do this for at least the weekdays... maybe i'll do free weekends... not sure yet... anyway, it's time for bed...

Day 10 Sugar-Free!

ok... so last night i ALMOST blew it!... i was feeling like having something sweet and i almost pulled out a package of sugar-free gum (which might have triggered my hunt for real sugar although i don't know why that happens)... i actually held it in my hand and looked at it, then i thought it would be so sad to come so far and fail in the last 36 hours... so i put it back and had some diet root beer instead and then fell asleep... so today is day ten... my last day for this cycle!!!... and this morning i woke up with a BGL of 136!!!... that is truly awesome!!... the "dawn effect" is getting better... i'm planning on not going overboard on my three "cheat" days... i'm supposed to just eat regularly, but i hope i don't lose it... anyway, i have to get on the scale in the morning so i think i should be ok for the day... i have less than 24 hours to go... can't wait to have a fruit smoothie WITH agave nectar in it tomorrow morning... lol... crazy isn't it?... eating all this protein is great for the first few days, but right now i'm almost feeling like being vegetarian is a distinct possibility... never thought i'd get tired of eating or tired of eggs, beans and meat... i've still been eating about 50% raw on a daily basis and i'm not tired of the salads or greens yet... :) ... go greens!!... go fruit!!... i think that eating multiple small meals per day is a good thing... i'm contemplating just eating small every two to three hours and i want to see if just doing that helps me control this "dawn effect"... by noon my BGL is always SIGNIFICANTLY lower than the morning and stays that way the rest of the day... i go to sleep with decent levels and then wake up with crazy numbers... i know i'm not eating in my sleep, so i'm always confused about why my body is dumping sugar into my blood while i'm sleeping... well this morning was great!!... it's about 84 points lower in the morning than it was nine mornings ago... if i can get to morning numbers in the double digits i'll be ecstatic!!!... anyway, i need to plan for the weekend... :) ... i'm feeling GREAT!!!

Calorie Shifting...

ok... so i'm on day six doing this thing... i think it's called calorie shifting but i'm not sure... most things i've read refer to shifting the AMOUNT of calories per day which requires major attention to detail and daily counting of calories which clearly will NOT work for me... so i'm trying something else which requires me to eat six small meals a day but i don't have to count any calories :) ... i'm just shifting the TYPE of calories i'm consuming... we shall see how this works... i committed to ten days and what i've noticed so far is that my morning BGL is dropping (which is a VERY good thing)... it's dropped by 50 points since i started this!... i haven't gotten on the scale and i won't until the morning of day 11, which is Friday... anyway, i have zero cravings and only felt hungry once because i was out and couldn't eat as soon as i should have... i drank water and that helped until i was able to get home and fix my small meal... anyway, my BGL this morning was 161 and I'm happy about that... i don't understand this "dawn effect" with my BGL, but I'm hoping this even keel BGL throughout the day fixes it... that alone would make this all worth it...

On again....

ok... so on monday, february 22nd, i got up and decided that i was going to go back on a plan... i've been thinking about it for a while and trying to figure out what next plan would work best for me... the goal is to create lifestyle changes that i can continue to maintain and do for a lifetime... so i'm still doing high raw food consumption because i like it, it's easy for me and it seems to keep my immune system in check... but i'm definitely not ready to be vegetarian... so it meant that monday i had to face the music and get on the scale and check my morning blood sugar level... it was horrible... my weight was at 358... i gained 9 lbs since thanksgiving holiday... at least i didn't gain it ALL back... but now that i know, i'm ok with it... not happy about it, but not ready to just throw in the towel either... i've taken "two steps forward and one step back", but i'm still ahead of where i was and i'm still heading in the right direction... my BGL was 210 that morning... not good... but i've been doing my thing now for five days of this 11 day cycle and i've been peeing like crazy (drinking 10 glasses per day minimum of water)... i'm off all refined carbs for a total of 11 days... my BGL before bed last night was 140 and this morning was 170... i'm not getting back on the scale for another week because i don't want the numbers to rule me... i've been planning for and eating SIX small meals per day... i haven't been hungry a single bit, but six times is pretty challenging... after next week i think i'll do four meals a day or maybe five at the most... we'll see... anyway, i'm grateful to be given yet another opportunity to improve my health and lose some weight... when i continue to fall off the wagon over and over again, all i can ask of myself is to get back up again... so i did... this is definitely a long ride... i honestly didn't think my journey would be like this... didn't think i'd veer off course so many times... but it is what it is... and i'm grateful that i'm still here... thankful that i haven't given up... i'm gonna make it... with God on my side, i'll make it... sleep is calling me and i need to answer... :)

Off again...

i'm tired of getting on the wagon and falling off again, then getting back on and falling off yet again... right now i just don't feel like getting back on... maybe it's because i have a little cold today... maybe it's because of the unexpected drama that has recently come my way (which i really don't feel like talking about)... but whatever the reason, i'm struggling to just stay positive today... don't get me wrong... i'm grateful to be alive... grateful to be surrounded by people who love me... grateful for all the "stuff" i have... but even though my countenance appears to be positive, i know for sure that i'm expressing my hurt/pain through my relationship with food... i KNOW that what i need to do is deal with the hurt/pain/fear/anger/frustration head on, but KNOWING something and DOING something are two entirely different things... i haven't been eating well, haven't been sleeping well, haven't been exercising regularly... so it's no wonder i got sick... my immune system is shot right about now and i'm struggling to try and care... anyway, i think i needed to write about this to at least get myself to contemplate getting back on the wagon again... i don't know why i thought this journey was going to be all peaches and cream... well, it's NOT... and now i don't even want to get on a scale to see what kind of damage i've done... right now, not knowing is my best option... we'll see how long i keep this up... i just need prayer-- for discipline, for the ability to be totally honest with myself and for the ability to deal with my emotions and not use food as some sort of pacifier... ok... enough... i need to get outta here...

Still Here...

so i'm still here, but just barely hanging on to my raw food... not sure what happened, but i'm on some sort of binge cycle again... it's not as bad as it could be i guess... i'm just eating regular food and more fast food than i think i should... i'm exploring some other health choices... trying to be temperate... i'm supposed to be sleeping, but my sister came to visit over the weekend and my 10pm bedtime went out the door... lol... we stayed up every "night"... 'till 3 or 4 AM!!!... talking and watching movies... then she left on sunday and i kept staying up late... now my parents came to visit for the week and i'm up watching tv with my mom... just ate two oranges... at least they were raw... i'm investigating something called calorie cycling and i'm going to see if i can incorporate it somehow into my healthful lifestyle... want to see if/how it will affect my weight... although of course my lifestyle change is not about weight... but i still want to feel less heavy... i haven't exercised since last week... my back is still not 100% back to normal (i had a back spasm a couple weeks ago)... anyway, i just thought i'd check in since i haven't been hanging out here as much as i wanted to... i think i might be avoiding something... but i'm not sure what... i always seem to run from my emotions... we'll see if i can dig deeper this time... anyway, i need to actually go to sleep... daylight seems to come so fast...

Happy New Year... and Long Time No Blog!!!... lol

so christmas came and went... it was fabulous... spent an entire week with my parents and even prepared a raw day for them... the day after christmas was our raw day... fitting, since i clearly needed a serious cleanse... lol... and then new years came and went... i attended a new years eve party and then did something i KNEW i shouldn't have done... i made some ridiculous "resolutions" in my head about how the new year was going to be and then promptly proceeded to do a double flip, triple pirouette and twist as i dove off the raw food wagon and straight into the SAD binge of a lifetime... it would have rated a 12 on a ten point scale if olympic judges were evaluating my performance... it caused even me to stop and pause for a moment... but clearly, i didn't pause long enough... i can honestly say that i have been terrified of getting back on the scale to see just what kind of havoc i have wreaked on my lifestyle plan over the holidays... so i came up with a new plan... NO SCALE... at least, not until i go for my doctors visit in march... i'm just going to work my plan and plan my work and see where that takes me... i don't want this to be about the scale... blood pressure remains good, but blood sugar is way too high... so i know what i need to do... by the end of the first week i set a new start date for my lifestyle changes... and on the 10th of january i began... just five steps for me to follow on a weekly basis... 1) i must have a raw breakfast every morning... 2) i must do at least one day per week at 100% raw... 3) i must exercise at least two days per week for at least 15 minutes doing some type of interval and/or strength training... 4) i must not eat after 8pm... if i'm absolutely starving and HAVE to have something, it must be raw... and 5) i must go upstairs by 10:30pm and be in bed by 11 each night... the last one was really hard for me (i'm a night owl)... but i can honestly say that i was 100% successful for seven days... i had a slight relapse today and i'm still up... anyway, my goal is to do this again for this week... i can't change the past, but i can control this moment and plan for the future... that being said, i think i should try to go to sleep even though i'm technically off tomorrow... i'll be back :)... hopefully sooner than it took me to get back last time... lol

It's Been a While...

so i can't even believe that it's been THIS long... i haven't posted anything in over a month... nearly a month and a half... so here is a BRIEF synopsis of the past 6 or 7 weeks of my life... i decided to do two 10-day rounds of what i call a "raw food challenge"... i took about a week or two break between each challenge and everything was going well... i knew that thanksgiving was coming up and i didn't want to be restricted during the holidays so i decided to stay on track with my healthy living... by the week before thanksgiving, my BGL was runnin in the 140's upon rising (which is REALLY good for me) and was normal by afternoon... but i didn't maintain... i had my ENTIRE family spend the entire thanksgiving holiday with ME... it was fabulous... all of us in the same place at the same time is a rarity... i had a BLAST and then we invited our family friends to have thanksgiving dinner with us... it was so much fun... we had soooooo much food... we watched football... ate... watched movies... had a blast... then thanksgiving was over and everyone left and i was here by myself once again (and happy to be alone)... i was SUPPOSED to go back to raw when they left... it's been a week and a half now and i'm still eating processed and cooked food... yesterday was mostly raw but i messed up last night and binged on cereal and sweet potato pie... my BGL this morning was 260 and by this afternoon was 160... clearly this is a struggle... i wish i could just report good news, but it's not always so good... i refuse to get on a scale right now because i'm convinced i gained some of my weight back... even if just a few pounds, i don't want to know right now... thankfully, my BP is remaining wonderfully normal... it was 114/76 with pulse of 77 today... in two days i'm going to a raw food cooking class/seminar... i'm going to get back on track... christmas is coming and i'm going home... i won't be raw then, but when i eat mom's food i always get healthy anyway... so it will be all good... my goal is to continue consuming at least 75% of my food in it's natural state... i just thought i needed to check in... it definitely helps me to stay focused when i journal... i'll be back in less than 6 weeks i hope... lol

25 Prisoners Released!!!

i made it!!... 10 days on my rejuvenation challenge... 10 days at nearly 100% raw... only on a few days did i consume cooked legumes... other than that it was all raw... and this morning i woke up and knew that i needed to record some measurements... with that said, i'm happy to announce that, to date, 25 "prisoners" have been released from my domain... i refer to them as "Fat Pounds"... with good behavior they will remain free to roam the universe and, as attached as we once were, i pray that i NEVER EVER see them again!!... so i'm feeling great!... back on track with my high raw lifestyle... i haven't been measuring my blood pressure regularly, because it's been consistently NORMAL every single time (and because my home blood pressure monitor broke... lol)... BGL today was 153... still not where i wanna be but definitely not where i used to be... WT 349!!!!!! i'm soooo excited to be in the 340's again... lol... i can't begin to tell you how wonderful this is... like i've said before, perspecitive is everything... most people would be devastated to be 349 lbs... not me... i'm ecstatic!!... because i've been BIGGER!!!... and because of the direction i'm heading :)... ok... so i just took my fat analyzer measurement and my BMI is 53.1 and my FAT is 49.9%!!!!!!! i'm sooooo excited i'm almost giddy.... you can't understand this if you haven't been where i've been... i'm crying right now because i'm so happy... i just realized that it gave me a FAT measurement!!!... you don't even understand... every measurement i've EVER taken with this fat analyzer has given me the FAT result of "E4" which means i was too fat for the machine to even compute a measurement... this is the FIRST time i've gotten a reading... lol... THANK YOU LORD!!!... i just KNOW that with God ALL THINGS ARE POSSIBLE!!!... IT'S POSSIBLE!!!...

Completed Day 9 of my 10 Day Challenge!!

well... tonight ends 9 days on nearly 100% raw food... i ate cooked beans occasionally... and saturday, although i continue to tell myself that this is about total health and not about weight loss, i got on the scale and it said 349.5 lbs... wow... like i said before, who in there right mind would be excited to be 349.5 lbs????... anyone who's been 350 or more... lol... as of saturday morning, i have released a total of 24.5 lbs!!!... thank you Lord!!!... my blood pressure has remained normal and my morning blood glucose levels continue to fall... they are STILL not normal at this point, but they are on there way to being normal... i have zero cravings now and i'm feeling great... i'm still not sure what i'm going to do for the holidays and i have people coming over this weekend for a potluck... so i'm going to have to devise a plan that i can stick with... playing it by ear in the past hasn't worked as well as i would have liked it to... i have to come up with something quick... i think i'll prepare some raw food for myself and eat it, and even if i decide to eat regular food i'll eat my raw stuf first so that i won't be hungry... maybe i'll even pass on the cooked stuff... who knows... i don't want this to be a religion, but i do feel sooooo much better when i'm eating this way... *sigh*... anyway, tomorrow begins day 10 and i will have officially completed the challenge by this time tomorrow... i'm so on the fence with this... Lord, please help me as i continue on my journey...

Feeling Great! :)

so i'm on day four of my extremely high raw 10 day extravaganza and i'm feeling fabulous... i've been making some awesome meals... yesterday i had green peas sprouts salad with tomato and avocados chopped up, tossed with sea salt, dried crushed basil, olive oil and some balsalmic vinegar... don't know if the vinegar is 100% raw or not, but this is not a religion for me... lol... the day before i made an awesome green pea salad with fabulous creamy sauce made from cashews... i was licking the "batter" after making the creamy sauce... had NO idea it was going to taste that good... i'm loving the healthy feelings, increased energy... it's not rocket science... every time i do this i feel better almost immediately (at least by day 3)... anyway, i'm doing probably around 90 to 95% raw since i'm incorporating some cooked legumes into my plan... but that doesn't happen every day (only had it once so far)... most days i'm at 100%... we shall see how i do... i'm still trying to decide if i'll keep going after the 10 days are up... i don't know yet... we shall see... i need a made up mind... my desire is to have the desire to do this for at least 6 months... i'm hoping that i can make it through the holidays without going on some crazy binge... Lord, help me...

One Successful Day!

so yesterday, i did well... it was a high raw day... actually it was a 100% raw day, but just not 100% organic... so i count it as a major success... i actually gathered up all the contraband items in my pantry (mini candy bars, chewy candies, etc) and carried them into the office... lol... handed them over to the office staff and made their day... i did offer them a taste of my raw food for the day as well, but they declined... lol... i knew they would, but it helped me feel less guilty about giving them that garbage... i felt like i'd offered them a choice... it's so sad really... anyway, in just one day most aches and pains are gone and any body part that had begun to swell has gone back down to normal... amazing... thank you Lord for helping me complete yesterday successfully... now i NEED your help for THIS day...

i'm still struggling with deciding whether to "allow" myself cooked food on the weekends and/or during the holidays... i don't know yet what i'm going to do... but for at least 10 days i want to be 100% raw... let me just stick with the here and the now and deal with all that other stuff later... i'm soooo grateful :)

The Journey Begins Yet Again...

ok... so the last time i posted i had done an entire day 100% raw... i continued on the path for 6 days and attended a phenomenal conference which helped me focus on my journey... or at least i thought it did... but that evening (the 10th) i attended a birthday party at mitchell's ocean club... it was fabulous and i decided that a beefsteak tomato salad and ginger salmon with mushrooms was a good healthy choice... it was awesome... but it was cooked... and the sauce on the salmon had sugar and butter and salt in it... the perfect combination of sugar/fat/salt to send me OFF the wagon... i hung on for about 2 or 3 days still doing raw, but began adding cooked foods like cabbage and greens and by thursday last week i was doing 100% COOKED food... in addition to this, i had a visit with my doctor on that same thursday to review my blood work... my blood pressure and all other labs were normal EXCEPT my blood sugar (182 she said)... she wanted to start me on some meds, but i asked her to give me 3 to 4 months and i'd let her do an HA1c test at that time... she agreed... needless to say i went home and made some seriously bad choices... i decided to have my own personal "farewell to toxic food" extended binge party... i went to the grocery store and bought WHITE bread (i don't even keep bread in my house anymore)... i bought turkey slices and egg salad... and i bought DIET root beer... lol... the insanity of it all cracks me up... but it's sooo sad really... i bought all kinds of soups--lentil, vegetable, split pea, chili (gotta have fiber to move the garbage along quickly of course LOL)... and 0h yeah... i also bought ORGANIC beef hot dogs... lol... over the last 4 or 5 days i consumed almost everything i bought and topped it off daily with the chewy candies and mini mars/snickers bars i'd bought a few weeks ago... but today i'm taking all the left over candy/candy bars to the office and giving them away... i'm throwing away any crap left from my cooked and seriously unhealthy food binge... i feel the negative impact from just 4 or 5 days of craziness... and now i have a support group of people who went to the same conference i went to who are going to start a 10 day raw challenge today... so i'm getting on board and beginning this journey yet again... Lord, please give me the power and the discipline i need to succeed on this journey... i need all the prayer i can get... i didn't realize what a roller coaster ride this journey was going to be... i want to and need to succeed at this... i want t0 and need to be able to achieve the TOTAL health that God intended for me to have... i want to feel ALIVE again... ok... so here i go... YET AGAIN!

100% Raw Day :)

ok... so today was my first 100% raw day in a long while... i'm going to sleep in a few minutes so i don't mess it up... lol... had a green fruit smoothie and fresh fruit for breakfast and lunch, then tonight i got home and made some "not tuna" and ate it wrapped in collard leaves... then for dessert i made a whole fruit sorbet which was awesome... i feel good... doing ok... my friends funeral is tomorrow and i've been dealing with my feelings and making much better food choices... i've fallen down, but i'm getting back up on the wagon... again... never give up... like the theme for the oprah show today, i won't stop believing... with God's help, i CAN do this...

Feeling sad...

this morning my friend lost the battle with breast cancer... i'm filled with sadness at a life cut short... she will be missed...