Feeling sad...

this morning my friend lost the battle with breast cancer... i'm filled with sadness at a life cut short... she will be missed...

Still Hanging In There...

so how am i doing?... not so great... the month of september has been a rough one... i'm not complaining, not making excuses... simply documenting this journey i'm on... i'm so absolutely and totally convinced that raw food is right for me, but i'm struggling right now to even keep up my 80% raw food lifestyle... i have a good friend fighting breast cancer and these last few months were really rough... last week she coded, but was revived... this week she is expected to --- i can't say the word... i'm still praying and hoping for a miracle, but i'm asking God for the ability to deal with this whatever the outcome... food has always been my drug of choice... and these last few months i've been overdosing... i'm grateful that i've been at least able to keep up with my green juicing and although i have been making REALLY BAD CHOICES (like sugar filled snacks and candy), i've been able to hold back at least a little... i haven't had a full out binge so i know God is here helping me... and just when i thought i was going to lose my momentum, i found a book and dvd both called "raw food made easy" by jennifer cornbleet which is helping me tremendously... additionally God set up a conference JUST FOR ME (isn't He an awesome God?)!!!... it's taking place in a week and a half on october 10th... there will be a raw food chef there and i'm so excited about it i feel like a kid waiting for christmas... in the midst of this storm, God is here and i'm hanging on to Him... can't do anything by myself... praying for my friend and her family... feeling really really sad... i don't want her to suffer, but selfishly, i don't want her to go either... i know i'll see her again either here or.... i'm rambling... need to focus... blood pressure is holding steady and normal without meds... blood sugar is still high, but lower today than it has been over the last two weeks... if i can't get it under control within the next two weeks i'll have to start taking some meds to lower it... this minute it's 137 but it was up to 305 at one point this week!!!... i'd eaten a bunch of mini candy bars and crazy desserts on saturday at a potluck acting like i didn't have a problem at all... as much as food is my drug of choice, as in illicit drug use, i have also chosen to make food my drug of choice, as in medicinal healing use... i'm just having a little difficulty right now... but i feel a change coming... i've been inspired to continue my journey... to get back up again... get back up again... i won't turn back... i've come too far and i feel too good... did i mention that i'm not getting back on the scale for a while??... maybe i didn't.. well, after losing nearly 20 lbs. in the first two months of this journey, i had a 2 lb. set back and felt soooo discouraged that i made a decision... when i started this journey, it was supposed to be about health and my focus was NOT supposed to be about numbers on the scale... but i got caught up in the weightloss and my focus began to shift... so when i gained 2 lbs i had a moment where i felt like what i was doing was a total waste of time and for a fleeting moment i wanted to just quit... but then i reminded myself that this is NOT about weight for me... this journey is about HEALTH... and IF a byproduct of my healthy choices results in my losing weight, then so be it... but regardless of what a scale says, i'm continuing on my journey... my clothes definitely are saying that i'm taking up less space in the world than i was 4 months ago... lol... i even had a couple people tell me to get real and buy some new clothes... lol... not yet... i'll just stop wearing the ones that are falling off me now... anyway, this has been such a rambling post... can't stop thinking about my friend... guess i'll stop rambling now and go wipe my tears away... WAIT!... i just had a breakthrough... when i'm crying, i don't eat or feel hungry... when i DON'T allow myself to feel, i eat irrationally... guess it's ok to cry... lol... maybe i'll actually deal with how i'm really feeling today...

Time Flies When You're Having Fun

wow!!!... i just don't know what to say... i didn't realize that it had been a month and a half since i last posted anything... unreal... unbelieveable... but i seriously thought i posted my august 1 results... hmmm... well maybe i was dreaming... i posted them to facebook and twitter... ok... so i really need to be sleeping so this is just a BRIEF update... august 1st my total pounds lost to date was 19.5 lbs at that time... my bgl was falling, but still fairly high in the 150's to 180's upon wakening, but down to about 110 in the afternoons... bp was normal throughout the month... i had soooo much company it was ridiculous... had people at my house for 10 days straight during the first 10 days of august... went out to eat too much and the second week of august my bgl started climbing... that second week i began doing 10-15 minutes of interval training 3 times a week on my treadmill... working at my PACE... lol... i love it... the sweating, the workout, the fact that my ankle can now support me once again... i'm feeling pumped and fabulous... problem occurred this past weekend... i was in charge of desserts and brought gourmet cookies, honey buns, and an assorted package of pudding cake (sliced)... it was all tasty and i tasted it all... and should NOT have... i ate so much sweets that my body went into sugar overload and now i feel REALLY bad, but it seems like i'm craving sugar now... it is seriously like a drug... i'm trying to get over it, but even the knowledge that my results day is coming up in about 24 hours isn't stopping me... i don't know if i've gained or lost weight this month... overall, i feel like i'm doing better than i was this time last year, but i also know i've done way worse than i did this time last month... my bgl was high today... bp was a little elevated as well and my body is sluggish... i need to sleep and eat properly... my saving grace is that i've continued with my morning green smoothies throughout... anyway, i just wanted to check in... there are too many results to post and i stopped recording things daily anyway... i'll be sure to try and post my results on tuesday... hopefully it will be good news... i have to be honest here and i would HATE to have to post that i gained back some of the weight i lost and lost some of the health benefits i'd gained... hmmmm....

I'm Still Here

so it's been over a week since my last posting and i think i was feeling a little discouraged about my BGL... i'll post my numbers for the week at the end of this post... it seems that after the july 4th holiday, i really was not feeling good.. i ended up with lower back spasms for a few days, then i had a neck/shoulder spasm on the left side for a few days (possibly because of how i was moving to compensate for the back spasm... then a middle back spasm... lol... it was not good... last week wednesday i had to use one of those riding carts to get around a store because i couldn't stand up straight and at the time i remember thinking, "this is why those people walk like this with a forward lean"... lol... anyway, the next day i had to use a cane... but by friday i was walking fairly straight with minimal pain... then saturday evening the neck spasm started and lasted a couple of days... i now know for SURE that eating red meat that is not organic is absolutely NOT worth it... i don't seem to have problems with organic red meat like that... but every time i've had the "bad" red meat, i end up with inflammation and pain somewhere in my body... ok... so here are my stats for the days i didn't post:

Date BP P BGL
7-09-09 143/90 80 190 (145 before bed)
7-10-09 130/82 72 178
7-11-09 131/83 83 185
7-12-09 126/81 76 173
7-13-09 132/83 69 169
7-14-09 135/88 72 161
7-15-09 117/76 70 173
7-16-09 117/74 70 159

my bgl is coming down again... i pray i continue to do what i'm doing... i feel good today and happy that i'm not craving any junk... :)

July 4th Saga - Falling Off The Wagon

ok... so i did my 30 days and the plan is to keep going... but the 4th of july got in the way :( ... i'm not making excuses.... but i AM human, so i'm just documenting what happened... my sister came in to town and i'd promised her, two months ago, that when she came i'd COOK for her... specifically i'd cook her some beef ribs for the 4th... she held me to that promise and i kept it... had a few people over and made an event of it... i decided to still continue with my green smoothies in the mornings and i did a lot of raw, BUT i also ate the regular cooked food... so if being 80% raw is equivalent to being in rehab, then the 4th of july is like falling off the wagon... and i don't think i just fell off --- i JUMPED off... had a good weekend though... but NOW??? my BP and BGL are back up... this morning, 136/89 and 218 respectively with a resting pulse of 73... it didn't help that last night, for the second night in a row, i ate a PINT of coconut milk ice cream... AND my back is spasming... so i'm back on track today... back to what i know i need to do... and now that i've gotten used to 100% raw breakfasts and lunches, i'm ready to begin my next change... i'm going to attempt to start going to bed earlier... don't laugh, but i need to be IN my bed by midnight... i need to write it to make it a real commitment to change... i'm also going to try to incorporate at least 10 minutes of serious exercise 3 times a week into my schedule... once again, don't laugh... i need to start at a pace that i can maintain indefinitely so that it can become a part of my lifestyle... all throughout my off the wagon weekend, i still ate 100% raw breakfasts and only on saturday was my lunch NOT a 100% raw... so this is now a HABIT for me and i'm glad, because as bad as it was, it could have been worse... i have no more pints of raw frozen desserts in my freezer, so i won't binge on them... i just need to not bring them home... we shall see how i fare on that... anyway, enough of this... i have to do what i have to do...

There's No Stopping Me Now

i made it!!... 30 days... and this morning i woke up and knew that i needed to record some measurements... with that said, i'm happy to announce that 14.5 "prisoners" have been released from my domain... they are collectively and generally referred to as "Fat Pounds"... with good behavior they will remain free to roam the universe and, as attached as we once were, i pray that i NEVER see them again!!... my BP was 121/69 and P 75... BGL 196... i'm not happy about this number, but it is still considerably lower than it was 30 days ago... (about 78 points lower than my day one measurement!!)... it goes down during the day, but i really want my morning measurement to be normal... i believe that if i continue on this journey, it will happen... W today was 359.5... i was laughing this morning as i headed off to work thinking that perspective is everything... i was ecstatic to see the 350's again... lol... almost giddy with excitement... and who in there right mind is HAPPY to be 359.5 pounds???... easy answer... ANYONE who's ever been at 360 or heavier... lol... my FAT measurement is still "E4"... an error because i apparently have too much fat to measure... but my BMI is now 54.7 ... if that means anything, i've dropped 2.2 points on the BMI scale... so, i'm not where i want to be, but i'm also not where i used to be :)... i've taken the first few steps of my journey and i'm feeling good...

Raw "Beef" Burritos!!!!

ok so i'm excited about what i ate last night... a variation of a raw burrito that i got the recipe for a few weeks ago and doctored up a little... it was so AWESOME!!!!... i could hardly believe i was eating raw and loving it so much... so i'm posting the instructions so i don't forget how to make it... ok so i soaked the walnuts over night, drained them and then put them in the food processor until they had ground beef consistency... dumped it into a mixing bowl, added chopped onion, cumen, chili powder, sage, savory and braggs and mixed it up... it even almost SMELLS like meat!!... and it sure LOOKS like it!!!... wow... so then i washed some collard leaves and put the "meat" on the leaves with some freshly chopped tomatoes and cilantro, wrapped it up like a burrito and ate to my hearts content... next time i think i'll try adding some avocado and maybe more onions... anyway, last night after i had that i stayed up too late and ended up chomping on some dried fruit snacks which had too much concentrated sugar in them for my blood... woke up with a good BP 123/76 with a resting pulse of 72 :) and a high BGL of 189 :( ... so tonight i'm not eating anything... we'll see if it makes a difference in the morning... anyway, results day is coming up and i'm still a little wary about it... i'd better get to bed...