Calorie Shifting...

ok... so i'm on day six doing this thing... i think it's called calorie shifting but i'm not sure... most things i've read refer to shifting the AMOUNT of calories per day which requires major attention to detail and daily counting of calories which clearly will NOT work for me... so i'm trying something else which requires me to eat six small meals a day but i don't have to count any calories :) ... i'm just shifting the TYPE of calories i'm consuming... we shall see how this works... i committed to ten days and what i've noticed so far is that my morning BGL is dropping (which is a VERY good thing)... it's dropped by 50 points since i started this!... i haven't gotten on the scale and i won't until the morning of day 11, which is Friday... anyway, i have zero cravings and only felt hungry once because i was out and couldn't eat as soon as i should have... i drank water and that helped until i was able to get home and fix my small meal... anyway, my BGL this morning was 161 and I'm happy about that... i don't understand this "dawn effect" with my BGL, but I'm hoping this even keel BGL throughout the day fixes it... that alone would make this all worth it...

On again....

ok... so on monday, february 22nd, i got up and decided that i was going to go back on a plan... i've been thinking about it for a while and trying to figure out what next plan would work best for me... the goal is to create lifestyle changes that i can continue to maintain and do for a lifetime... so i'm still doing high raw food consumption because i like it, it's easy for me and it seems to keep my immune system in check... but i'm definitely not ready to be vegetarian... so it meant that monday i had to face the music and get on the scale and check my morning blood sugar level... it was horrible... my weight was at 358... i gained 9 lbs since thanksgiving holiday... at least i didn't gain it ALL back... but now that i know, i'm ok with it... not happy about it, but not ready to just throw in the towel either... i've taken "two steps forward and one step back", but i'm still ahead of where i was and i'm still heading in the right direction... my BGL was 210 that morning... not good... but i've been doing my thing now for five days of this 11 day cycle and i've been peeing like crazy (drinking 10 glasses per day minimum of water)... i'm off all refined carbs for a total of 11 days... my BGL before bed last night was 140 and this morning was 170... i'm not getting back on the scale for another week because i don't want the numbers to rule me... i've been planning for and eating SIX small meals per day... i haven't been hungry a single bit, but six times is pretty challenging... after next week i think i'll do four meals a day or maybe five at the most... we'll see... anyway, i'm grateful to be given yet another opportunity to improve my health and lose some weight... when i continue to fall off the wagon over and over again, all i can ask of myself is to get back up again... so i did... this is definitely a long ride... i honestly didn't think my journey would be like this... didn't think i'd veer off course so many times... but it is what it is... and i'm grateful that i'm still here... thankful that i haven't given up... i'm gonna make it... with God on my side, i'll make it... sleep is calling me and i need to answer... :)

Off again...

i'm tired of getting on the wagon and falling off again, then getting back on and falling off yet again... right now i just don't feel like getting back on... maybe it's because i have a little cold today... maybe it's because of the unexpected drama that has recently come my way (which i really don't feel like talking about)... but whatever the reason, i'm struggling to just stay positive today... don't get me wrong... i'm grateful to be alive... grateful to be surrounded by people who love me... grateful for all the "stuff" i have... but even though my countenance appears to be positive, i know for sure that i'm expressing my hurt/pain through my relationship with food... i KNOW that what i need to do is deal with the hurt/pain/fear/anger/frustration head on, but KNOWING something and DOING something are two entirely different things... i haven't been eating well, haven't been sleeping well, haven't been exercising regularly... so it's no wonder i got sick... my immune system is shot right about now and i'm struggling to try and care... anyway, i think i needed to write about this to at least get myself to contemplate getting back on the wagon again... i don't know why i thought this journey was going to be all peaches and cream... well, it's NOT... and now i don't even want to get on a scale to see what kind of damage i've done... right now, not knowing is my best option... we'll see how long i keep this up... i just need prayer-- for discipline, for the ability to be totally honest with myself and for the ability to deal with my emotions and not use food as some sort of pacifier... ok... enough... i need to get outta here...

Still Here...

so i'm still here, but just barely hanging on to my raw food... not sure what happened, but i'm on some sort of binge cycle again... it's not as bad as it could be i guess... i'm just eating regular food and more fast food than i think i should... i'm exploring some other health choices... trying to be temperate... i'm supposed to be sleeping, but my sister came to visit over the weekend and my 10pm bedtime went out the door... lol... we stayed up every "night"... 'till 3 or 4 AM!!!... talking and watching movies... then she left on sunday and i kept staying up late... now my parents came to visit for the week and i'm up watching tv with my mom... just ate two oranges... at least they were raw... i'm investigating something called calorie cycling and i'm going to see if i can incorporate it somehow into my healthful lifestyle... want to see if/how it will affect my weight... although of course my lifestyle change is not about weight... but i still want to feel less heavy... i haven't exercised since last week... my back is still not 100% back to normal (i had a back spasm a couple weeks ago)... anyway, i just thought i'd check in since i haven't been hanging out here as much as i wanted to... i think i might be avoiding something... but i'm not sure what... i always seem to run from my emotions... we'll see if i can dig deeper this time... anyway, i need to actually go to sleep... daylight seems to come so fast...