Calorie Shifting...

ok... so i'm on day six doing this thing... i think it's called calorie shifting but i'm not sure... most things i've read refer to shifting the AMOUNT of calories per day which requires major attention to detail and daily counting of calories which clearly will NOT work for me... so i'm trying something else which requires me to eat six small meals a day but i don't have to count any calories :) ... i'm just shifting the TYPE of calories i'm consuming... we shall see how this works... i committed to ten days and what i've noticed so far is that my morning BGL is dropping (which is a VERY good thing)... it's dropped by 50 points since i started this!... i haven't gotten on the scale and i won't until the morning of day 11, which is Friday... anyway, i have zero cravings and only felt hungry once because i was out and couldn't eat as soon as i should have... i drank water and that helped until i was able to get home and fix my small meal... anyway, my BGL this morning was 161 and I'm happy about that... i don't understand this "dawn effect" with my BGL, but I'm hoping this even keel BGL throughout the day fixes it... that alone would make this all worth it...

On again....

ok... so on monday, february 22nd, i got up and decided that i was going to go back on a plan... i've been thinking about it for a while and trying to figure out what next plan would work best for me... the goal is to create lifestyle changes that i can continue to maintain and do for a lifetime... so i'm still doing high raw food consumption because i like it, it's easy for me and it seems to keep my immune system in check... but i'm definitely not ready to be vegetarian... so it meant that monday i had to face the music and get on the scale and check my morning blood sugar level... it was horrible... my weight was at 358... i gained 9 lbs since thanksgiving holiday... at least i didn't gain it ALL back... but now that i know, i'm ok with it... not happy about it, but not ready to just throw in the towel either... i've taken "two steps forward and one step back", but i'm still ahead of where i was and i'm still heading in the right direction... my BGL was 210 that morning... not good... but i've been doing my thing now for five days of this 11 day cycle and i've been peeing like crazy (drinking 10 glasses per day minimum of water)... i'm off all refined carbs for a total of 11 days... my BGL before bed last night was 140 and this morning was 170... i'm not getting back on the scale for another week because i don't want the numbers to rule me... i've been planning for and eating SIX small meals per day... i haven't been hungry a single bit, but six times is pretty challenging... after next week i think i'll do four meals a day or maybe five at the most... we'll see... anyway, i'm grateful to be given yet another opportunity to improve my health and lose some weight... when i continue to fall off the wagon over and over again, all i can ask of myself is to get back up again... so i did... this is definitely a long ride... i honestly didn't think my journey would be like this... didn't think i'd veer off course so many times... but it is what it is... and i'm grateful that i'm still here... thankful that i haven't given up... i'm gonna make it... with God on my side, i'll make it... sleep is calling me and i need to answer... :)

Off again...

i'm tired of getting on the wagon and falling off again, then getting back on and falling off yet again... right now i just don't feel like getting back on... maybe it's because i have a little cold today... maybe it's because of the unexpected drama that has recently come my way (which i really don't feel like talking about)... but whatever the reason, i'm struggling to just stay positive today... don't get me wrong... i'm grateful to be alive... grateful to be surrounded by people who love me... grateful for all the "stuff" i have... but even though my countenance appears to be positive, i know for sure that i'm expressing my hurt/pain through my relationship with food... i KNOW that what i need to do is deal with the hurt/pain/fear/anger/frustration head on, but KNOWING something and DOING something are two entirely different things... i haven't been eating well, haven't been sleeping well, haven't been exercising regularly... so it's no wonder i got sick... my immune system is shot right about now and i'm struggling to try and care... anyway, i think i needed to write about this to at least get myself to contemplate getting back on the wagon again... i don't know why i thought this journey was going to be all peaches and cream... well, it's NOT... and now i don't even want to get on a scale to see what kind of damage i've done... right now, not knowing is my best option... we'll see how long i keep this up... i just need prayer-- for discipline, for the ability to be totally honest with myself and for the ability to deal with my emotions and not use food as some sort of pacifier... ok... enough... i need to get outta here...

Still Here...

so i'm still here, but just barely hanging on to my raw food... not sure what happened, but i'm on some sort of binge cycle again... it's not as bad as it could be i guess... i'm just eating regular food and more fast food than i think i should... i'm exploring some other health choices... trying to be temperate... i'm supposed to be sleeping, but my sister came to visit over the weekend and my 10pm bedtime went out the door... lol... we stayed up every "night"... 'till 3 or 4 AM!!!... talking and watching movies... then she left on sunday and i kept staying up late... now my parents came to visit for the week and i'm up watching tv with my mom... just ate two oranges... at least they were raw... i'm investigating something called calorie cycling and i'm going to see if i can incorporate it somehow into my healthful lifestyle... want to see if/how it will affect my weight... although of course my lifestyle change is not about weight... but i still want to feel less heavy... i haven't exercised since last week... my back is still not 100% back to normal (i had a back spasm a couple weeks ago)... anyway, i just thought i'd check in since i haven't been hanging out here as much as i wanted to... i think i might be avoiding something... but i'm not sure what... i always seem to run from my emotions... we'll see if i can dig deeper this time... anyway, i need to actually go to sleep... daylight seems to come so fast...

Happy New Year... and Long Time No Blog!!!... lol

so christmas came and went... it was fabulous... spent an entire week with my parents and even prepared a raw day for them... the day after christmas was our raw day... fitting, since i clearly needed a serious cleanse... lol... and then new years came and went... i attended a new years eve party and then did something i KNEW i shouldn't have done... i made some ridiculous "resolutions" in my head about how the new year was going to be and then promptly proceeded to do a double flip, triple pirouette and twist as i dove off the raw food wagon and straight into the SAD binge of a lifetime... it would have rated a 12 on a ten point scale if olympic judges were evaluating my performance... it caused even me to stop and pause for a moment... but clearly, i didn't pause long enough... i can honestly say that i have been terrified of getting back on the scale to see just what kind of havoc i have wreaked on my lifestyle plan over the holidays... so i came up with a new plan... NO SCALE... at least, not until i go for my doctors visit in march... i'm just going to work my plan and plan my work and see where that takes me... i don't want this to be about the scale... blood pressure remains good, but blood sugar is way too high... so i know what i need to do... by the end of the first week i set a new start date for my lifestyle changes... and on the 10th of january i began... just five steps for me to follow on a weekly basis... 1) i must have a raw breakfast every morning... 2) i must do at least one day per week at 100% raw... 3) i must exercise at least two days per week for at least 15 minutes doing some type of interval and/or strength training... 4) i must not eat after 8pm... if i'm absolutely starving and HAVE to have something, it must be raw... and 5) i must go upstairs by 10:30pm and be in bed by 11 each night... the last one was really hard for me (i'm a night owl)... but i can honestly say that i was 100% successful for seven days... i had a slight relapse today and i'm still up... anyway, my goal is to do this again for this week... i can't change the past, but i can control this moment and plan for the future... that being said, i think i should try to go to sleep even though i'm technically off tomorrow... i'll be back :)... hopefully sooner than it took me to get back last time... lol

It's Been a While...

so i can't even believe that it's been THIS long... i haven't posted anything in over a month... nearly a month and a half... so here is a BRIEF synopsis of the past 6 or 7 weeks of my life... i decided to do two 10-day rounds of what i call a "raw food challenge"... i took about a week or two break between each challenge and everything was going well... i knew that thanksgiving was coming up and i didn't want to be restricted during the holidays so i decided to stay on track with my healthy living... by the week before thanksgiving, my BGL was runnin in the 140's upon rising (which is REALLY good for me) and was normal by afternoon... but i didn't maintain... i had my ENTIRE family spend the entire thanksgiving holiday with ME... it was fabulous... all of us in the same place at the same time is a rarity... i had a BLAST and then we invited our family friends to have thanksgiving dinner with us... it was so much fun... we had soooooo much food... we watched football... ate... watched movies... had a blast... then thanksgiving was over and everyone left and i was here by myself once again (and happy to be alone)... i was SUPPOSED to go back to raw when they left... it's been a week and a half now and i'm still eating processed and cooked food... yesterday was mostly raw but i messed up last night and binged on cereal and sweet potato pie... my BGL this morning was 260 and by this afternoon was 160... clearly this is a struggle... i wish i could just report good news, but it's not always so good... i refuse to get on a scale right now because i'm convinced i gained some of my weight back... even if just a few pounds, i don't want to know right now... thankfully, my BP is remaining wonderfully normal... it was 114/76 with pulse of 77 today... in two days i'm going to a raw food cooking class/seminar... i'm going to get back on track... christmas is coming and i'm going home... i won't be raw then, but when i eat mom's food i always get healthy anyway... so it will be all good... my goal is to continue consuming at least 75% of my food in it's natural state... i just thought i needed to check in... it definitely helps me to stay focused when i journal... i'll be back in less than 6 weeks i hope... lol

25 Prisoners Released!!!

i made it!!... 10 days on my rejuvenation challenge... 10 days at nearly 100% raw... only on a few days did i consume cooked legumes... other than that it was all raw... and this morning i woke up and knew that i needed to record some measurements... with that said, i'm happy to announce that, to date, 25 "prisoners" have been released from my domain... i refer to them as "Fat Pounds"... with good behavior they will remain free to roam the universe and, as attached as we once were, i pray that i NEVER EVER see them again!!... so i'm feeling great!... back on track with my high raw lifestyle... i haven't been measuring my blood pressure regularly, because it's been consistently NORMAL every single time (and because my home blood pressure monitor broke... lol)... BGL today was 153... still not where i wanna be but definitely not where i used to be... WT 349!!!!!! i'm soooo excited to be in the 340's again... lol... i can't begin to tell you how wonderful this is... like i've said before, perspecitive is everything... most people would be devastated to be 349 lbs... not me... i'm ecstatic!!... because i've been BIGGER!!!... and because of the direction i'm heading :)... ok... so i just took my fat analyzer measurement and my BMI is 53.1 and my FAT is 49.9%!!!!!!! i'm sooooo excited i'm almost giddy.... you can't understand this if you haven't been where i've been... i'm crying right now because i'm so happy... i just realized that it gave me a FAT measurement!!!... you don't even understand... every measurement i've EVER taken with this fat analyzer has given me the FAT result of "E4" which means i was too fat for the machine to even compute a measurement... this is the FIRST time i've gotten a reading... lol... THANK YOU LORD!!!... i just KNOW that with God ALL THINGS ARE POSSIBLE!!!... IT'S POSSIBLE!!!...